Quite a while ago I stumbled across a blog post called 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind on a blog called Marc and Angel Life Hack. I was instantly hooked on answering all the questions and thought it would make a good post here on my blog. If you are interested in answering these questions you should go back to Marc and Angel’s blog and give them ago.
1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
My body would say that I’m 65 with all the aches and pains I’ve been having lately. My mind would probably be 30, which is what my actual age is. My heart would want to be 19 because that’s the age where you are independent but not independent enough that your parents won’t help you/pay all your bills. God, I hate having to pay bills.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying. I don’t have many regrets in my life but the ones I do have are because I wasn’t brave enough to try. Don’t get me wrong, I hate failing too but I’m one of those people that actually fear succeeding more than I fear to fail.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
This one is hard. I can only speak for myself, I do things I don’t like because I have to. I have to do the dishes or I won’t have anything to eat off of. I have to pick up my dog’s poop or my landlord will get pissed. I don’t do the things I like because I don’t have the time or the resources. I love to travel and see new places but affording to get and stay in new places is expensive and if I don’t have the money I can’t go. I love to knit but if I spend all my money on yarn then my kids don’t have shoes that fit.
I do, however, believe that one day I will have the time and money to do more of what I love.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
If I die right now then yes, I’ve said more than I’ve actually done. If I die when I’m 100 like I think I will then I’ll have done more than I’ve said.
5. What is one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
I’d make people more understanding and tolerant of differences. I recently bought a shirt for my daughter Dessa that says “we all laugh in the same language”, and that quote is so true. It doesn’t matter what race, religion or gender we are, at the end of the day we are all human and we should treat each other with the same love, empathy, and kindness we would want for ourselves. It’s sad to see so much hatred in the world just because something or someone is different and we don’t understand it.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Owning my own bakery. I love baking and when I worked at the local donut shop in high school I loved it. I hated my co-workers and the owner was lazy and didn’t give a shit about the shop but I had so many ideas that could have made that place great.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I believe that it’s important for a parent, doesn’t matter which one, to be there for their kids while their kids are young. I happen to be that person in my family. When my kids get up I’m there. When they get home from school I’m there. When they need something I’m there. When Dessa starts preschool in a year or two I will gradually enter the workforce as most people know it and a new chapter of my life will begin. I don’t feel like I’m settling, I feel like I’m being the type of mother I want to be and when my kids no longer need a mom like that my role will change.
8. If the average lifespan was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I’d sell everything I owned, pull my kids out of school and travel the world with them. I’d see and experience as much as I could and make sure my kids did too.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I would say a lot but very little. I’ve made decisions both big and small that have impacted my life but at the same time life happens and I have no control. I plan the best I can and just assume that life is going to fuck up at least 50% of everything I plan so I just go with it.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right thing?
For the big things, I worry more that I’m not doing the right thing. Like when I’m making big life choices I wonder if I’m doing the right things for my kids. But if we’re talking about my math homework then it’s if I’m doing things right because a girl needs to pass her classes.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Stick up for my friend. I’m a very and I mean VERY loyal person. No one is going to sit there and talk about someone I love and care about in a negative way even if I love and care about the person talking shit about my friend. Also, if the things they are saying aren’t true then they are just being petty and need to grow up.
12. If you could give a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
I would tell that child to know itself and be comfortable with who they are. That other people’s opinions don’t matter. They are okay as they are.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yes, but to be fair I’ve broken the law for much less. Doesn’t everyone break the law at some point? I mean, even my mom who is the most law-abiding citizen I know speeds.
14. Have you ever saw insanity where you later saw creativity?
No, I guess I don’t hang out with the creative types. My husband is constantly coming up with ideas and inventions but he never does anything about them so I wouldn’t say he’s insane. I do however think that my husband often thinks I’m insane for the ideas I come up with.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I can’t think of anything that I do differently. I think my outlook on life is different than most of the people I know.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because not everyone is me. My happiness comes from within myself, therefore, others won’t find happiness in the same way as I do. We are all unique.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Get my college degree. In the past, my lack of confidence in myself is what held me back. I didn’t believe I could succeed so I didn’t try. Now, time and money are the two biggest contributors to why I don’t have my degree yet. After being very successful for 2 semesters I now know that I can and will be successful and one day, hopefully soon, I will have my degree.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I have a lot of hurt and pain that others have caused that I should really let go of. Holding on to it is just causing more pain to myself while the person gets off the hook. The best thing I can do is just move on and live my life.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Well, I did just move from Washington state to Minnesota so I guess there’s that but if I had to make another big move it would to Denmark. I want to move there because politically I agree with them on many levels and they are the happiest country in the world. Clearly, they are doing something right.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Yes and no. I totally push the button a billion times knowing it won’t have any effect on the speed of the elevator. It just makes me feel good to push the button.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Worried genius. I already have anxiety and I’m pretty much a genius in my opinion and I don’t feel any less happy then the idiot sitting next to me.
22. Why are you, you?
I am who I am because of my experiences, the values my parents instilled in me and my outlook on the world.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
No, I’m a very passive person who doesn’t always show emotions well. Because of that I’ve let a lot of my close relationships die. I haven’t spoken to some of my best friends in 8 years! I regret not taking the initiative to reach out but now I feel like too much time has past and it would be awkward to get in contact with them again.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch. Like in the above question I regret losing touch with my old friends and wish I could reconnect with them one day. Distance doesn’t have to mean the end of a friendship, especially in the 21st century. There are so many ways to stay connected with loved ones these days from using FaceTime or Skype. Not to mention all the different social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
25. What are you most grateful for?
My kids. My kids can be a real pain in my ass but I wouldn’t have it any other way. They have literally taught me more than I could have ever learned without them. Becuase I had them I learned what unconditional love was. I learned how to forgive my parents for the mistakes they made. I learned what it was like to really worry about someone. I learned how strong I could be because of them. How imperfect we all are and how great that is. I learned how to accept someone just the way they are. Without them, I’d be a lost idiot.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Lose all my old memories. I have a lot of shitty memories that I wouldn’t mind forgetting. I’m sure my family and friends wouldn’t abandon me if I lost my memories of them and then we could start a new. It would be a do-over.
27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
I think it depends. Somethings are just true whether you challenge them or not. Other times, you should challenge
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
No. I think what you truly fear changes with time and the stage of life you’re at. I have 2 great fears. The first being my children dying. The second is me dying while my children are still young and me missing out on their lives. Luckily for me
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
I do remember a lot of times 5 years ago that made me very upset. I don’t know if they matter now but I do know that when I think about them it still hurts me. I guess I’m not over it yet.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
I don’t think I have
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Recently I’ve felt most passionate about living in Minnesota and updating my new home. For 10 years I didn’t feel comfortable or excited about where I was living. Now, I feel hopeful for what the future brings and excited to reconnect with my family and old friends.
32. If not now, then when?
For me, it’s never. If I don’t jump in and just do it then I probably will put it off until I just forget about it. In the past year I’ve really tried to slow down and take my time but if it’s something big and important then I need to do it now.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I suppose nothing but that may not be true. I haven’t achived owning my own business but if I tried then I could lose all my money before opening the doors or with the first year as so many businesses do. Sometimes you really have nothing to lose and other times you have a lot. I think it’s best to use sound judgement to determine the difference.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
No, I can’t say that I’ve ever done that. I don’t really like people or conversation so anytime someone doesn’t speak to me it’s a great conversation but I don’t think that is what this question is asking.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because people are greedy and their greed will always trump love. It’s sad but it’s true. Power is a fickle mistress.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Yes, and I find this question insulting to my intelligence. It’s obvious Hitler was evil, that ISIS is evil and that Trump supporters are evil. Without a doubt certain things, people
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No, my job as a mom would continue. Although, I might hire a nanny to come to the house a couple times a week so I could go back to school without having to depend on family to help. That would be nice.
38. Would you rather have less work to
do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work that I actually enjoy doing. There is nothing worse to me than being bored. I want more things to do and I when I enjoy something I want to do it all the time.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Yes. Life is pretty repetitive which isn’t necessarily bad. But yes, I have lived this day many times.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
When I decided to move back to the midwest. I had talked about it and thought about for many years and was always resistant to it. Once I decided I was finally going to move back it was very scary. I had been in a sort of comfort zone that I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up. Once the decision was made it also put a lot of things in motion that I didn’t anticipate which was scary as well. Even though the idea of moving back was terrifying to me I did strongly believe that it was the best decision for me and my family.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Damn, these questions want me to get in trouble. I would visit my parents. I think they would be the people I would want to talk to and to say goodbye to the most. Not to say to any of my family and friends reading this that I don’t love you but my parents in a situation like this my parents take precedence.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No. Sometimes I think being famous would be fun but then I remember that famous people are killing themselves all the time these days. As for being more attractive, I don’t need to reduce my life expectancy to do that. All I need is a gym membership and motivation. Then I’d be back to my old self which was very attractive if I do say so myself.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Truly living means going out and experiencing new things, meeting new people. It means being brave and open. Being alive is just existing.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
When you keep saying it, thinking it and debating it. At that point, you aren’t letting it go so you just have to do it or it’s going to keep bothering you.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
We’re not afraid to make mistakes, we’re afraid of other people judging us for our mistakes. Honestly, I don’t care if I fuck up, it’s inevitable, but I do care what people are going to say to me about my mistakes. Like, I don’t care about your opinion so why are you trying to make me feel bad about a mistake? Ugh, this is why I’m an introvert.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Nothing, I do what I want when I want and if people judge me I either cut them off or fight with them about it. I’m not too good to get into a verbal spare with other people if they are going to judge me. I learned a long time ago that not everyone is going to like you or the choices you make but you have to do what is best for you. Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
July 24, 2018 during a meditation.
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love a lot of things but most of all I love my family. I hope moving back to the midwest showed my extended family that I love them and want to be a more active person in their lives. For my nuclear family I think I show my love by doing things with them like going to the Mall of America for a day or going on a hike to a cool waterfall that we can swim in.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
No, I probably won’t. If I’m going to remember something in 5 years it either has to make me extremely happy or cause me extreme pain. The mundane everyday stuff gets forgotten pretty quick.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I make every decision for myself that is in my power to do so. I can’t control other people such as our government, who make many, many, many stupid decisions “for me”.